Your Ego is Not Your Amigo (part 2 in a 3 part series)
In part 1 of my series on Ego, I spoke candidly about the impact of letting my Ego lead me and my decisions. In this blog, I’m going to talk about what exactly Ego is and how it wants you to believe it’s your best amigo, when in fact, it’s not. The word Ego conjures up a lot of definitions and feelings. Most commonly people associate it with being “egotistical” or “arrogant.” Although that’s one way for Ego to express itself, it’s only a portion of the bigger Ego pie. For the purposes of this post, I am defining “Ego” as the part of our brain that filters information and produces unconscious reactions. This part of our brain is called the Amygdala and it’s responsible for our “flight” or “fight” responses. The Amygdala uses our past experiences and emotional memories (mainly from when we were young) to determine if there is a “threat.” If it perceives a threat, it activates your body’s natural stress response to help protect you from harm. If you were faced with a truly dangerous situation your Amygdala would be your best amigo. It would cause you to fight or flee and in some cases even play dead until the threat passed. Bottom line: Your Ego is designed to protect you from perceived threats. But here’s the trouble with this amigo: the Amygdala or Ego can only decide if something is a “threat” based on past emotional experiences. This part of your brain is about as savvy as a 6-year-old in terms of threat detection, problem solving and the ability to deal with complex emotional responses. And yet, this part of our brain is often unconsciously leading our behaviors, decisions and actions. When considered in the context of leading others the problem immediately becomes clear. I have often observed heated meetings where people are desperately trying to influence each other. Imagine everyone’s Amygdala or Ego sitting around the conference table trying to get something done. It’s no wonder we see so many ineffective behaviors from people at work. And for leaders who are unconscious to how and when their Ego leads, the experience can range from ineffective to downright painful.Just because a child is young doesn’t mean they aren’t important; they just need to be loved and led. Our Ego is no different. It isn’t bad; it just needs our time, attention and leadership.We have another part of our brain called the Frontal Lobe that is responsible for complex problem solving, impulse control, emotions, language, and other things. When we become aware of how our Ego works, we then have the information we need to switch which part of us is driving. We can put our Ego in the backset where it belongs and our Frontal Lobe, or Adult Self in the driver’s seat. I’m thinking you might feel safer with an adult driving your car, as opposed to the 6-year old. Experiment: One of the best ways to learn more about your Ego is to simply observe it. Part of your Ego is that little voice you hear in your head when you think about trying something new or doing something your Ego might perceive as “threatening.” Write down what the voice (your Ego) tells you. Notice how and when your heart races and pulse quickens and write that down too. Then see if you notice any patterns. Do certain people trigger your Ego? If so, what is it about them? Getting familiar with these triggers is one of the first and most important skills to master in learning to lead Ego. Coming up in my next post is what to do with that information: Leggo of my Ego: How to move beyond your Ego’s triggers. Want more? Leading Ego is an extensive topic and we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg. If your interest is piqued and you want to learn more, consider joining me on November 2nd. I’m offering a 1-day experience for seasoned leaders called “Learning to Lead Ego – Yours and Others’”. You will gain a much deeper understanding of how your Ego gets you to follow it and most importantly, specific methods that will get you back in the driver’s seat. Once you have those tools, everything – especially leading – gets a whole lot easier and significantly more effective. Click here to learn more about the day.