Leading the Ego: Change the Way You Lead and Live (part 1 in 3 part series)

Part 1:  The Battle BeginsMy work and life have shifted dramatically in the past two years. I left a 5-year business partnership, let many of my biggest clients go, significantly changed the way I eat (yep, the V-word) and turned down offers for work that would have brought me both visibility and cash. None of these choices made “sense” to my brain, but I’ve learned (thankfully) to not let my brain overrule my gut. And in each of these, my gut was clear. It concisely, consistently, and clearly said, “Let it go.”In the midst of all this letting go, I decided to learn as much as I could about the human psyche, about energy, about ego.  I studied (and still do) with amazing teachers who are much further down the path than me. It’s felt a lot like being back in school: reading, studying, doing case studies, passing “tests” and experimenting with everything – using myself as the lab, the test subject. I knew that everything I learned about myself would eventually serve my clients.  As I look back on this process, I understand it with the clarity that perspective brings. Every decision to let go was a monumental fork-in-the-road. I had to decide what was going to lead my life:  my ego or my soul.   My ego drives me to work harder than I’d like; to think I’ll never have “enough” – whether money, time or status. It’s the part of me that wonders if people will figure out that I’m not as good or as smart as they think I am. It’s also the part of me that tells me “I’m better” than others.  It wants to keep things the same – predictable and calm; to control things that are not controllable. My ego keeps me in fear and wants me to work hard to “prove” myself. If given the opportunity, it will lead me right into the ground physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s hardly intentional.  Ego can’t help itself, so strong its proclivity to protect, to guard, to maintain the status quo. It’s a part of me I can’t ignore.  My soul, on the other hand, wants to expand, grow and try new things. It is the part of me that knows I’m whole. It is connected to something much bigger than me – no matter what that something is called: the Universe, God, Mother Nature, any manner of things. My soul is creative and knows, really knows, that I have everything I need and that if I need more, it will come to me just like it always has. My soul, if given the opportunity, keeps me grounded, bold, energized and full of life. It’s a part of me I don’t want to ignore.  So here’s the conundrum: will my ego’s need for safety and control win over my soul’s need for expansion?  I went through this fight (and still do) with every decision I made. But practice seems to be making the choices increasingly clearer, though not necessarily easier. Letting my soul lead isn’t easy (for my ego). Tough decisions need to be made. Hard conversations have to be had. But the payoff is totally worth it. It was not simple and intuitive to say “no” to a lot of work. But all of these decisions, no matter how hard, have come with tremendous payoff. I’ve taken on new work; work that really excites me. I’m ballroom dancing – performing and competing, doing pilates twice a week, continuing my studying, creating new and exciting programs that energize me. I work fewer hours, spend more time with my boys, and make more money than I ever did when my ego was in charge. (How’s that for a soul-sales-pitch?!) For the next few weeks, I’m offering a series of articles that tell you how ego pops up at work and home and what to do about it. The ego does have a purpose – and it matters. And it has some predictable tactics. It’s common and normal for it to wind up in the driver’s seat. I want you to understand this and more, why you need not vilify it and how you’re going to keep it in the passenger’s seat where it belongs.  The ego thrives when we are unconscious of its actions and tactics so I’m going to give you conscious, awake, and wise information that will provide you tools to choose what part of you will lead your life. I’ve learned a lot about the ego – through trial and error, lots of study, and hard choices. And I’ve benefitted even more. That’s what I want for you: the limitless benefits of feeling more alive, purposeful, successful, and free. All of this can be yours when you learn to listen to your soul. (You already hear it, don’t you?!?) Up next:  Your Ego is Not Your Amigo (although it will tell you it is!)