How Do You Do Learning Curves?

A few times a year, my company offers a dance party to clients and friends. It's an opportunity for people to enjoy an evening out and learn some swing and salsa moves.  At our first event, I knew some people would be a little nervous, but I underestimated the amount of anxiety in the room when we prepared to learn our first steps.I'm not sure if it's because I know how to dance or because I'm obsessed with observing people, but watching a group of people learn to dance was fascinating, (and not in "funny" way). As I paid attention throughout the evening I noticed that most people fell into one of three categories of dancers (or learners):1) Happy-Go-Lucky: These people were smiling, laughing at themselves and making great connections through the awkwardness of learning new dance moves.2) Making the Best Out of It: More anxious at first, these individuals were looking at their feet, struggling with sweating hands, and employing heavy concentration. Still, after about 30 minutes, many of them lightened up and even joined the Happy Go Lucky group.3)” I’m Not Good at This:” As you can image, these people were concentrating even harder than the group above, rarely smiling and feeling increased frustration as the night progressed. The most interesting aspect of this group was how many comments they made about being “bad” dancers. Not “new;” just highly-convinced declarations of being “bad.”Yes, this was a dance party, but after coaching dozens of people every week, these categories apply to my clients – and probably for you – as it relates to any type of learning curve.How do you “do” a learning curve?  Do you go in knowing you’re new, having compassion and humor, or do you put a lot of expectations on yourself to be relatively competent from the get-go and perhaps further, stress yourself out (and beat yourself up) when you don’t “get” it?Let’s go back a bit. Childhood is one big learning curve. If you watch a small child with building blocks, they build and stack until everything comes tumbling down. And then they do it all again; sometimes for hours with much fervor and even humor. Children are encouraged to make mistakes. It’s the way they learn. Even more, they somehow implicitly understand and accept this. So why is it that when we reach adulthood (or for some, much earlier than that) we believe that making mistakes is a bad thing?Of the three groups, guess who picked up the dances the quickest? No surprise: the Happy Go Lucky group. Please note, I didn’t say they were the “best,” but they got the basic moves down quickly because they were relaxed enough to feel the beat of the music and let their feet follow.  Maybe you could try a “happy go-lucky” approach the next time you’re learning new moves on or off the dance floor.Experiment: When you’re learning something new, talk to yourself with the same level of compassion and understanding you would extend to a child. Would you insist that he/she be perfect at a new skill after their first lesson or attempt? Would you tell them they were “bad?” Probably not. Instead, you would assure them that their process is “normal,” encourage them to keep trying and even celebrate their mistakes. Hear the music? Feel the beat?  Keep trying, have fun, be patient, and congratulate yourself on being brave enough to try – to learn – to dance.